Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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