if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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