I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
