I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
