I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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