Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
