Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
