You're a womanizer and a bitch.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
