Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
