she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
