do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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