"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
