i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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