I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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