If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
