he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
