Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
