God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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