So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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