I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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