can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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