If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Randomize
