Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
