No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
