i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
