I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
