I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
