Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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