I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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