Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
