Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
