3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
