If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
