you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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