she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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