im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
