I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
