You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
