I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
