the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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