Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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