So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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