Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
