I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
