We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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