Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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