Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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