and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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