Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
