Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
