dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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