EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
