day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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