i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
