I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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