i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
