I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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