which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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