nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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