I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize