he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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