i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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