I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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