So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
