I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
