why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
