SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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