im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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