Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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