You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
